


Luminescence

by karikes



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-12-06 15:58:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11603952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karikes/pseuds/karikes
Summary: Mchura drabbles and ficlets!





	1. Odd Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> T, "So, err. I noticed you're kind of naked. Is that intentional, or?" from [this list](https://urbanspaceman.tumblr.com/post/163386892803/100-prompt).

Leonard likes to sleep naked. He wears clothes often enough, and he likes the clean feeling of sheets against his bare skin. It’s never really been a problem. That is, until this morning.

He feels groggy, and he isn’t sure why, because he actually managed to get seven hours instead of his usual five. He moves around his quarters, trying to find a clean uniform, but he’s had a ridiculous amount of paperwork in the last week because Jim is an idiot, so he’s having difficulty.

When the comm at his door buzzes, Leonard opens it without a thought to his current state of undress.

It’s Uhura. Fully clothed and raising her eyebrows. “Dr. McCoy, is this supposed to mean something?”

It takes a full five seconds for Leonard to realize that the slow trail of her eyes down his torso is not going to be met with any obstacles once it reaches his groin. There’s also several crew members walking by. One of the women titters.

Leonard has never been body shy, but he doesn’t exactly advertise himself either. This is not how he planned on starting his day, with half the ship hearing about the size of his dick. It’s inevitable now, just like Uhura joining the conversation if he doesn’t do something fast.

Leonard turns around as quickly as he can and jams the button to shut the door. His head tilts back and hits the wall with a thunk. 

“Fuck,” he says. 

He dresses as quickly as he can, which means his shirt is on backwards and probably dirty, but Uhura is standing in the corridor, still waiting to tell him whatever she needed to.

Her mouth is quirked when Leonard opens the door again. “You didn’t answer my question, doctor.”

Leonard runs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry about that,” he says, wishing he hadn’t just been naked in front of the most beautiful woman on the  _ Enterprise _ without any forethought or planning behind the action.

“I didn’t mind the view in the slightest,” she says, and the twinkle in her eyes might mean she’s lying, but Leonard doubts it. “I just dropped by because I was on the way to my own quarters and the captain wanted to see you before you go on duty.”

Leonard nods. “Jim could have just commed me, the fool.”

“It was on my way.” 

Uhura is already turning to go when Leonard says, “I really am sorry. That wasn’t on purpose.”

She just smiles and keeps walking.

“Fuck,” Leonard says again.

*

He slides into a table at the far corner of the dining room, only for Jim to immediately yell “Bones!” at him.

Leonard makes Jim come to him. He is not in the mood to dance Jim’s jig today.

Jim sits down next to him and slaps his back. “Bones! I heard you decided to answer your door naked. So how long did it take before Uhura ripped your balls off?”

Leonard swallows his bite of oatmeal before replying. “I was not completely awake, and Uhura did nothing of the sort. Next time you want to tell me something, come to my quarters yourself.”

Jim grins. “Are you going to put on a peepshow for me too?"

Leonard clenches his spoon in his hand. “Jim,” he enunciates slowly. “If you bring this up one more time, I will give you your yearly exam early. Full physical and vaccinations.”

Jim’s hand slips from his shoulder. “My mouth is shut.”

“It had better be,” Leonard threatens. “Now leave me the hell alone with my oatmeal.”

*

Fifteen crew members approach him at lunch time. Fifteen.

Leonard takes his food to his office and locks the door. He doesn’t leave for dinner. Christine knocks on his door when alpha shift is over.

“You should stop moping. Shifts are changing. You’ll have a chance to escape in a mass of people going to the rec rooms or their quarters.”

Leonard opens the door and steps out carefully. Christine is watching him, a smile playing over her lips.

“Thanks,” he says, and she shakes her head. 

“You’ll be fine. Something else scandalous will happen tomorrow or the next day, and the ship will forget about the size of your penis.” Christine says all this with a straight face, but Leonard can hear her laughing as he walks out of the medbay.

Uhura is waiting for him outside his quarters. He almost turns and runs in the opposite direction, but he forces himself to keep his legs moving.

“Lieutenant Uhura,” he says. “How may I help you?”

“It’s not exactly corridor appropriate,” she says.

Leonard just snorts and lets her in. He’s swiping uniforms of his bed and trying to tidy up the mountains of padds on his desk when she speaks.

“Will you look at me?” She asks.

He does, and Uhura is suddenly in his personal space, crowding up against his body. Leonard wishes he had something to say, but instead his mouth just opens slightly.

When she kisses him, he doesn’t kiss her back from sheer surprise.

“Am I suddenly a terrible kisser?” Uhura seems surprised. “Or do you not like women?”

Of course she would never say  _ Do you not want me?, _ because everyone attracted to women wants Uhura. She knows it just as well as everyone else. It’s been a year since she and Spock parted ways for good, but Leonard has never entertained the thought that she might be ready to move on.

“Oh,” he says. Uhura wants  _ him _ somehow, and his stunt this morning might have been the cause of it.

Eyebrows again. He’s not sure if she got that from Spock or they just did it together. 

“You haven’t been answering my questions today,” Uhura says, her hand coming to rest on his chest.

Leonard can hardly breathe right now. “No. To both of them,” he manages. 

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I’m just-” He feels like explaining himself would just make him look more like a fool. He decides to kiss her to occupy his mouth.  


*

Christine is right. The gossip has already changed the next morning- something about the replicators and coffee- which makes it easy for Uhura- Nyota- to slip back to her quarters without anyone noticing.

If the crew notices that they both disappear on shore leave, even though Leonard hasn’t taken it in years, they do not say anything.


	2. Breathtaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> G, "Driving for hours through mountains." Originally posted [here](https://karikes.tumblr.com/post/163258801810/mcura-we-have-settled-on-mcura-right-9-3).

“It’s not like we could have taken a shuttle or anything,” Leonard grumbles as he rearranges his legs in the cramped seat of their car.

“Len, you are as aware as I am that we will have no time to ourselves in the next week. This was the only way we could spend shore leave together. Now shut up about the shuttle and tell me how much longer I’m following this road.”

Leonard doesn’t even pull out his padd with the map on it. “Another three hours.”

“Len, your seat does go farther back, you know that, right?” Nyota pats his knee with her right hand, still staring at the road.

“Of course I know that.”

More grumbling. An odd noise that actually makes her turn away from the wheel for a split second. Leonard is sitting farther back, his legs remarkably less cramped.

Nyota smiles and faces forward again. “You should listen to me more often. I’m smart or whatever.”

Leonard’s hand reaches for her shoulder, the heat of his palm seeping through her shirt. He’s not as warm as Spock is, but he still runs hot for a human, and it’s nice to sleep next to.

“I hate being trapped somewhere with nothing to do,” he says. She knows it’s his approximation of an apology.

“You could stare at me,” Nyota says laughingly. “There’s the scenery too if you want something maybe more beautiful.”

The mountains they’re passing through are absolutely breathtaking, snow still clinging to their peaks and trees scattered along their foothills.

“No,” Leonard says. “They’re not as gorgeous as you.”

Nyota blushes, even after all this time. Her hand rises to touch Len’s on her shoulder.

“Damn right,” she says softly, and squeezes his fingers with her own.


	3. Baby Powder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> G, "I love you, they said. I love you." Originally posted on tumblr [here](https://karikes.tumblr.com/post/163259725160/mchura-29). In the [Suburbia](http://archiveofourown.org/series/770178) universe, set between Hatchbacks and Minivans.

Leonard is standing there, his mouth working as he silently says a lot of bad words. He finally settles on something appropriate to say out loud to his daughters.

“Imani, what do you think you’re doing with Safiya?”

He had left the room for five goddamn seconds to check the pasta water and come back to a mess. Nyota is going to be home in less than five minutes, and Imani is staring at him wide eyed, baby powder on every inch of her skin and hair. She somehow managed to grab Safiya and pull her out of her crib, and they’re both sitting on the changing table, as white as ghosts. There’s powder in the carpet and all over Safiya’s crib. There’s powder in Safiya’s mouth, for fuck’s sake.

Leonard hears Nyota’s key in the door right as Imani starts crying, well aware that her five year-old self is in trouble. Safiya decides to join in before Leonard can do a thing.

“Len,” Nyota calls. “The pot on the stove is about to boil over. I’m turning the heat down.”

Leonard grabs for Safiya after a moment’s hesitation, wrapping her small body close to her chest and trying to soothe her.

“Imani,” he says firmly. “Get down from there right now. You are in big trouble.”

He’s trying to clean the powder from Safiya’s mouth when Nyota finally makes it back to the nursery.

“Good heavens,” she says. “What happened here?”

“Imani isn’t getting dessert tonight,” Leonard says, his hand covered in a mixture of baby powder and drool. “And I nearly said a lot of terrible things to her.”

Later, after the vacuum has been utilized and Imani has promised to never take Safiya out of her crib again, Leonard sighs deeply.

“Today was just a bit of a mess,” he says, his elbows on the kitchen table. “And I’m pretty sure there’s baby powder in my mouth. I need a shower and also maybe to not be around small children for a minute or two.”

“Len.” Nyota touches his cheek, her fingers soft. “I’ll put the girls in bed tonight. Go out for a drive or something. Get your shower and just leave for an hour or two. You need it.”

“I love you,” Leonard says suddenly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She presses a kiss to his chalky forehead. “Now go get clean.”


	4. It was maybe a stupid decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh kind of T, but not really. Pretty much G.   
> Prompt was: _Wei-wu-wei_ \- conscious nonaction. It’s a deliberate, and principled, decision to do nothing whatsoever, and to do it for a particular reason.

Leonard watches Nyota Uhura whenever he has the chance. She is beautiful and strong, but he knows he cannot have her. Lieutenant Uhura does not date, and as far as he can tell, she doesn’t sleep with anyone either. He’s old and divorced, with a daughter to boot. He knows he isn’t what she’s going to look for. He also isn’t certain that she wants anything to do with him besides the occasional conversation about nothing important.

So, as respectfully as he can, he watches. Uhura fiddles with her earrings a lot when she eats. Sometimes she forgets to take her earpiece out when she gets off her shift and she makes it out of the turbolift and into the cafeteria before she remembers. 

There is only once when she catches him at it, and it’s because of Jim’s loud mouth. 

Leonard had been minding his own goddamn business, debating the importance of some of the lesser used Starfleet regulations with Spock, when Jim had up and slammed his tray next to his.

“Bones, I see you and Spock are at it again.”

“I find Leonard’s opinions titillating,” Spock says. His eyes flick over Jim. “The doctor is intelligent and even though I often disagree with him, he provides excellent discourse.”

“If you would stop saying titillating, maybe someone would take you seriously,” Leonard says, rolling his eyes.

Nyota walks in just then, and Leonard cannot help his customary once over. Except Jim is watching him a little too closely just then, and notices.

“You and Uhura up to something?” Jim asks. 

It’s a harmless suggestion, in a harmless tone, but there is a reason Leonard has decided to do nothing about the way he may or may not feel about the head of communications.

“Shut up, Jim,” he grumbles, but Uhura has heard Jim’s voice and is paying attention now. Leonard wants to sink into the ground when she walks over and puts her tray next to Spock’s.

“Hello, gentlemen,” she says, in a voice that does not sound like she wants to fuck around. “Were you just talking about me?”

Leonard is ready for the floor to open up and swallow him. He is forty-two. He does not have time for his stupid crush to be aired in front of a third of the crew just because Jim made a seemingly innocuous statement.

Jim smiles. “It was a joke.”

Leonard is quick to reaffirm his best friend. “It was. Now can we please drop it?”

Nyota takes a bite of her curry. “My love life is a joke now, is it?”

Leonard swallows, but maybe not as loudly as Jim. 

“That is not what I meant, Lieutenant,” the captain says firmly. No one wants to fuck with Uhura, not even Jim. Well, especially not Jim.

“Perhaps it is better to be careful with one’s words,” Uhura says primly, and turns to Spock. She says something in Vulcan, then rises, taking her tray with her. 

Spock raises his eyebrows but refrains from saying anything.

“Maybe you should just keep your mouth shut, Jim.”

“So is there actually something happening between the two of you?” Jim asks, his sandwich forgotten in the face of gossip.

“No. And if there was, you would be the last one to know.” Leonard slams his napkin down and leaves Jim to take care of his tray. He’s cleaned up after his best friend often enough. It’s Jim’s turn to do something responsible besides running a ship.

*

The watching continues for months. It helps keep the loneliness at bay. At least, that’s what Leonard tells himself.

There is one day where Spock decides to say something earth-shattering to Leonard. They are alone on a turbolift, two floors from the science labs.

“She watches you as well.”

It’s quiet and Leonard almost misses it, but his head is reeling once it processes. “What the hell did you just say?”

“Nyota,” Spock says, and then he is getting of the turbolift and the doors are shutting and Leonard is just staring at the white until they open at his floor and he does not get off. He just stands, open-mouthed in the turbolift for a full minute before another crew member calls it up to the bridge.

It’s Uhura, because of course it would be. Leonard’s mouth closes. He looks straight ahead. After a moment’s thought, he reaches out and pulls the brake.

Uhura looks at him questioningly. He rubs his hand on his chin.

“I’m sorry. I just- I need to ask you something.” His heart is pounding in his chest. He is forty-two. This is absolutely ridiculous.

Uhura raises an eyebrow.

“Spock- he said you watched me.” Leonard licks his suddenly dry lips. “You can forget I ever said this if you don’t want to discuss it.”

Uhura raises her shoulder in a half shrug. “I do. What of it?”

“I mean-” Leonard is not good with words, not like this. Joss used to love his poetry when they first started dating, before her words turned sour in her mouth and his stylus stilled on his padd. “Does it mean something?”

He feels like an idiot. Absolutely fucking ridiculous. He should have said nothing, goddamn it. He is going to rip Spock’s ears off when he sees him again.

Uhura kisses him, then, and Leonard can hardly breathe because he is kissing her back, and this has to be a dream- there is no way this is real. Except that’s her hand on his chest and her mouth withdrawing from his and it  _ is _ real.

“It means that,” she says. 

Leonard just takes a long breath in, because he is still trying to process what just happened. Uhura- can he call her Nyota now?- blinks slowly and he watches her eyelashes complete the movement without saying a word.

“Nyota,” Leonard says slowly. The look that crosses her face when he says her name makes him want to fall to his knees. “This isn’t a joke?”

“Of course not.” Nyota looks slightly offended.

“Good,” He says, and kisses her again, harder.

They have to get off the turbolift eventually, but Nyota informs him that she’ll see him on the observation deck at 1900 hours for a date. Leonard tries to remember all the reasons he decided ever saying anything was a bad idea. He cannot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being longer than I was planning and it almost ran away from me, but I curtailed it.


	5. Before and After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T, angsty as all get out. The inspiration for this was the song Wildest Dreams, but if you want an actual song for the mood, then I suggest ¿Qué quieres de mí? by Luis Fonsi.

The first time they see each other, Leonard has a hard time catching his breath. If Nyota feels the same, she doesn’t say. 

What they have- it’s sweet and slow, coiling in his hands and climbing out of his mouth to kiss her again and again. She never pushes him, knowing that his hand has worn a different ring before. 

Nyota raises an eyebrow when he proposes. “Are you sure?”

“If it’s with you, I’m always sure,” Leonard says. A voice in the back of his head says,  _ That’s what you told Jocelyn too. _ He doesn’t listen.

Nyota wears her ring, and Leonard watches the light reflect onto the wall through the diamond while she types or tucks hair behind her ears. It’s strange, everyone knowing that she is his. Nyota has always been her own, and he is afraid that claiming her is a mistake. He never says this, never allows his fears out into the air.

It’s normal- to be afraid when your first marriage fell apart. He tells himself this often.

Leonard cries when Nyota walks down the aisle on her father’s arm. Nyota wipes his cheek and smiles at him, her lips stretching over her teeth. They turn to face the officiant, and Leonard feels something shift in his chest. Maybe it’s the fist of fear unclenching, or the happiness of marrying Nyota. He isn’t sure. He’s too busy listening to Nyota say her vows.

Nyota loves Joanna. Joss is civil enough to Nyota in person, but Jo tells Leonard one night “Mommy calls Nyota your nasty new wife.”

Leonard sighs and helps Jo with her seatbelt. Joss will deny everything if he confronts her, so he just kisses Jo’s forehead and says, “You know that’s not true, right?”

“Of course,” Jo replies, staring out the window. “I like Nyota. I hope you keep her for forever, Daddy.”

_ Me too, _ he thinks, but does not say. Too many things go unsaid.

Nyota and him are both strong headed, but they have always balanced each other well. But the fights have started to creep in. It’s not like Jocelyn, where they would simmer for days before exploding. No, Nyota cuts straight to the quick. She has as sharp a tongue as he would expect, given her linguistic talent.

They have hate sex after their fights, and it’s brutal and Leonard hates it. He hates fighting with Nyota more than anything. 

Jocelyn- it was cathartic, a release of tension. Fighting with Nyota is like a nuclear bomb, the fallout reaching into their ribcages.  They move around each other for days afterwards, pretending as if they have been fixed by their joining. They have not.

Leonard wants to patch the cracks with medical tape and a baby, but he refrains from both. Jo didn’t fix his marriage with Jocelyn, and another child won’t fix his marriage with Nyota. 

They separate after four years of marriage, and ten together. Leonard makes it two steps into Jim and Spock’s apartment before breaking down sobbing. Spock’s arm pulls him close, and Leonard cries into the chest of the alien who has a hard time saying he loves his husband out loud. Jim makes him tea, refusing to let Leonard have the whisky bottle he knows is in the cabinet.

“She’s the best goddamn thing that ever happened to me, and I fucked it up. We both fucked it up, and I’m losing her.” Leonard looks at his best friends with reddened eyes. “I don’t want to lose her.”

Jim’s hand finds Leonard’s shoulder. “You can stay as long with us as long as you need.”

Leonard sleeps on their couch for a week before he talks to Nyota again. The coffee shop where they meet feels too warm for the ice between them. He knows it’s going to fucking break, just as he steps out. 

Maybe this is all his problem. He’s always been drawn to strong men and women. 

“Leonard,” Nyota says in greeting, and his heart twists in his chest. She always calls him Len, except when they’re fighting. The ice is going to break and he’s going to be left to drown.

She sits, her hands around her coffee cup and not in his. Leonard wants to be home with her, her feet on his legs while they watch a movie. He wants none of their fights to have happened. He wants peace.

It turns out Nyota actually wants to try counseling. He agrees, because despite that voice that has been doubting the entire decade they have spent together, he does not want to lose her.

_ It won’t be enough, _ the voice says.  _ You’ve never been enough for her. _

Leonard sits straighter and says firmly, “I want to try counseling too.”

He sits at Jim and Spock’s kitchen table three months later, downing more alcohol than is wise, but Nyota’s just served him with divorce papers, and he doesn’t give a shit.

Jim is at work, and Spock is watching him, his hands resting on the table in front of him.

“Leonard,” he says firmly, “You should cease your alcohol consumption now, unless you wish to get alcohol poisoning.”

Leonard downs the rest of his glass. “Spock,” he says evenly, because his voice goes dead calm when he’s stupid drunk. It’s always unnerved everyone he knows. Nyota didn’t like him drunk, because he always got serious. Jocelyn had liked it, but that was only because she was a messy drunk and he had taken care of him. “I should just stop loving women. They don’t want me.”

He can feel Spock’s eyebrow rising even though his gaze is on the replicated wood. “Shut up, Spock. I don’t need fucking consolation right now.”

Leonard’s wedding ring feels as if it’s weighing his hand down. It doesn’t fucking matter. He’s been clawing at the earth for years now. 

It’s another glass of whisky before Spock takes the bottle away. “I will not watch you drink yourself into a hospital visit, Leonard.”

“It would give me a distraction from the fucking knife in my chest.”

Spock’s shoulders soften slightly. “Leonard,” he says, his tone sounding something close to gentle. “What can I offer you that would help?”

Leonard grabs Spock’s shoulders, his hands clenching around his biceps. “Nothing, Spock. Fucking nothing. I’ve fucked up everyone I’ve ever loved. Fuck. What am I going to say to Jo?”

Spock pulls him close, and Leonard lets him, because he’s fucking empty and he can’t even breathe properly with the weight of loss.

Jim and Spock’s couch is comfortable, but Leonard feels as if he is their child, tiptoeing around their life and encroaching with his sadness. 

Maybe he should go back up in the black. Loneliness suits him better up there. He lasted a long time before Nyota Uhura waltzed into his life. 

She calls him a year after the divorce goes through. Leonard’s wedding ring tan hasn’t completely faded yet. He feels as though he is looking at a ghost when he sees her face. She’s still the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He can catch his breath now, though. 

“What do you want?”

Nyota looks taken aback. “Why do you assume I always want something?”

“Because you do, Nyota. You wanted me, and you got me. Once you were done, I was left to deal with it. What do you want?”

“I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright,” she says, her mouth turned up a little. 

“I’m fine,” Leonard grunts. He ends the call. 

He still loves her. He’s not sure he can ever get her out of his head. He’s not even sure he wants to. He thinks of her wearing that blue dress she was wearing on their first date, and how she had laughed at his jokes. He wants to remember her like that, before the ice broke.

Life in the black is lonely, but Leonard doesn’t think he’ll love again. Not when Nyota is still in his veins. 


	6. Sabsung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> G, short and sweet. Originally posted [here](https://karikes.tumblr.com/post/163737548805/sabsung-mchura-pls).
> 
> Sabsung: When you’re bored or have had a long day, it’s the thing that brings you back to life or livens up your day. Whatever it is that makes you happy to be alive.

Nyota loves her job. It’s all she’s ever really dreamed of honestly. Despite this fact, there’s still a burden that lifts from her shoulders the moment the shift change starts. She places her earpiece in its compartment and stands from her chair. She stretches, long and slow, her back cracking in relief.

She walks to the dining hall, the weariness of her long day setting in. She sits next to Leonard, like she always does. Chekov joins them tonight, asking some question about the upgrades to sickbay beds. Nyota does not join in. She eats her salad and waits for Len to finish talking.

They walk to her room tonight, hand in hand. Nyota loves the feel of Len’s calluses against her softer skin, the way his hand practically engulfs hers.

She’s taking her bra off before her door’s shut completely. She sighs in relief as the offending object finds her chair. Her ponytail is next.

Leonard watches Nyota move around her room, getting more comfortable. It’s a couple of minutes before she comes to him, but when she does, she wraps her arms around his neck and leans into him.

“I never feel like my day is over until I’m in your arms,” Nyota says softly.

Leonard kisses her, feeling her melt into him. He feels the same way, but he always has a more difficult time expressing his feelings. He’s glad he has her to help.


	7. Uitwaaien

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> G, another short and sweet one. Originally posted [here](https://karikes.tumblr.com/post/163733520155/uitwaaien-mchura).
> 
> Uitwaaien: It means to take a brief break in the countryside to clear one’s head.

Nyota looks absolutely stunning like this. The sun makes her skin glow and her hair shine and the brown of her eyes turn slightly gold. Leonard kisses her again. He can’t help it.

“What?” Nyota slides her sunglasses on before she looks at him properly. “That’s the third time you’ve kissed me in an hour.”

She adjusts the strap of her dress. Leonard really wants nothing more than to look at her for hours. Something about the country air. Or maybe it’s just that he doesn’t think it’s even possible to fall out of love with Nyota.

“You look beautiful,” he says. It’s not what he means to say. Something like _you are the sunshine_ or _I’ve never been more in love with you_ might be better, but his tongue trips over words when they aren’t bitter.

“Thank you,” Nyota says. She kisses him this time.

They’re in the wilderness for a week. The Enterprise won’t be shipping out again for six months. Both Leonard and Nyota wanted some time away, to plant their feet on solid ground and think about their future together.

Leonard feels like he can breathe better, sitting on the porch of their cabin, with Nyota on his lap. Sure, it’s uncomfortable after a couple of minutes, but it’s not like he minds. He never wants anything when she’s this close.

“Len,” she says into his neck.

Leonard hums questioningly, not wanting to speak.

“Sometimes I think that it’s impossible to love anyone after you. You’re just the beginning and the end of everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Leonard’s chest tightens. He kisses her hair.

“Nothing matters when I’m with you,” Nyota says. “Do we have to make it anymore complicated than that?”

There are no real words for this, not this feeling that always swells in his throat and makes his eyes prick with tears.

“No,” he says hoarsely, and pulls her closer to his chest.


	8. Cafune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> G, straight up tender. Originally posted [here](https://karikes.tumblr.com/post/163731638020/cafune-mchura).
> 
> Cafune: The act of tenderly running one’s fingers through someone’s hair.

Two months ago they were scheduled for shore leave, and then the Orion pirates happened and then that diplomat needed ferrying to Starbase 12, and the Klingons decided they wanted some information that the Federation wasn’t willing to give-

They haven’t had shore leave in six months. The entire crew is worn out. Even Jim is chafing to have some time off.

Nyota watches the tension start to drain from Len’s shoulders the moment they step onto the pink sand of Triton II. They’ve all been working double shifts these past weeks, and she is just as eager as he is to do absolutely nothing.

Leonard groans when he sits down on their bed. “Nyota, I swear I’ve aged two years in the last month. Did you hear my joints creak?”

“I didn’t,” she smiles, “But I know what you mean.”

Neither of them even have to ask each other what they want to do first. It’s the middle of the day, and both of them want nothing more than sleep. They undress in silence, sliding between cool sheets.

They wake when moonlight is streaming through the curtains. Nyota is lying halfway onto Leonard, her leg slung over his hips. She shifts upwards to kiss him before sitting against the headboard.

Leonard isn’t completely awake, so his arm crawls across her stomach and he drags himself up to rest his head on her chest.

“I love you,” he mumbles.

Nyota runs her fingers through his hair slowly. “I love you too, Len.”

They stay like that for an indefinite amount of time, the moonlight their only company.


	9. Into the Light (Before and After, pt. 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all know I'm sighing very deeply right now. I literally never write unresolved angst, and here I wrote 1.3k of lovely and painful stuff. And then I have friends who threaten to leave the fandom and ask me what happens a decade into the future ([whatifimamermaid](http://archiveofourown.org/users/whatifimamermaid)) and other friends who promise that they'll never forgive me for what I did ([phalangine](http://archiveofourown.org/users/phalangine/)) and further friends who claim they can't trust me anymore ([jessicamiriamdrew](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jessicamiriamdrew/pseuds/jessicamiriamdrew)). So. Here I am. Resolving it.
> 
> G pretty much, a significant amount happier than Before and After.

Jo has two kids before Leonard returns to earth. Being a grandfather is enough to ground him after years of aimless wandering through spaceship corridors.

“Nyota is coming over,” Jo says, while her father is cradling two month old Irene. 

Leonard’s chest tightens. “Well,” he says carefully. “It’s been awhile since we last talked.”

Jo raises her eyebrows and grabs at Evan’s arm as he runs by. “Evan, go get my glass of water from the kitchen,” she says, and then releases him.

“Yes, Mommy,” her son replies, scampering off to the kitchen. 

“How long is awhile?” Jo crosses her legs. Her eyebrows haven’t settled.

Leonard stares at Irene’s soft curls. “Two months.”

“Dad! You didn’t tell me you two still talked! Neither did she, for that matter.”

“Wasn’t any of your business.”

“What does that even mean? You two been having comm sex or-” Jo is cut off by the return of her son.

“Here you go, Mommy.” Evan hands his mother her glass and runs out again to play with the train his grandpa bought him on the moon.

Leonard passes Irene back to Jo and stands, feeling suddenly a lot older than he is. “No. And if we were, I sure as hell wouldn’t tell you. She calls occasionally to see how I’m doing. Last time she told me about her work on the latest software in the universal translator. We just- talk sometimes. That’s all.”

“Mmmph,” Jo says, because she isn’t an idiot.

Leonard leaves before Nyota arrives. He’s not quite ready to see her gray hair up close, to see the face he once cradled in his hands creased with time. Sub-space communication still doesn’t have super high-res, no matter what everyone says. 

It ends up being three weeks after he’s home that he sees her for the first time. Jim and Spock are celebrating their anniversary, and Leonard knows that Nyota is going to be there, so he prepares himself.

It ends up being almost nothing. Except it’s been fifteen years, and it can’t be nothing after all that time.

“Hello,” Nyota says, her wine in her right hand and her grace in her left hand.

It takes Leonard a moment to work past the dryness of his throat. “Hello, Nyota.”

And that’s it. She smiles a little and moves to stand by Spock, her best friend even after all these years. Leonard finds an admiral to talk to, Jim’s back to slap, and sweet tea to drink. There are ways to occupy his brain besides his ex-wife, who- if he stops and thinks about it- he is not entirely sure he ever stopped loving.

Leonard sees her again, because they have the same friends still. He is never alone with her, because there is no reason to be. They don’t talk, really. It’s fine. He does not hope for anything.

They do end up going out for coffee five months later, though. Leonard leaves after fifteen minutes, because he’s not entirely certain he can handle any more pretending they weren’t each other’s universe once. 

That’s the real issue, he realizes as he walks out of the shop. It’s not that he hates Nyota. He can’t. He tried, up there in the darkness of the universe. He gave up after a month. It just that they were something that they are no longer and the absence of what they should have been tears at his hands until they are shaking.

Leonard sits in his apartment that night, not watching the program on the holoscreen, barely blinking at the vivid flashes of color. He calls Jim sometime after midnight.

“What do you want, Bones?”

Leonard sometimes can’t believe that Jim still calls him that, even after all these years. “What does Nyota want from me?”

“Whoa, hold up. Why do you think she wants something from you?”

“We went to coffee today,” Leonard admits. “I couldn’t stay for long. I couldn’t handle the pretence of friendship when we had been so much more.”

“Oh,” Jim says, and then Leonard can hear footsteps. “I’m putting you on with Spock. He knows more about what’s going on in Nyota’s head than I do.”

“Hello, Leonard.”

“Spock. What does Nyota want from me?”

“I am uncertain. She has not dated since your divorce, if that’s what you’re asking.”

It’s Leonard’s turn to say “Oh.” He manages a “Thank you, Spock,” before hanging up.

They’re at Jim and Spock’s that Friday for some reason that Leonard can’t remember, but he’s sitting across from Nyota during dinner and ends up next to her in the living room later. They don’t really talk with each other, just their hosts. Except at some point Spock goes into the kitchen for something and Jim joins him and Leonard is left- alone- with Nyota.

He stares at the whisky in his hand and then glances over at her wine. Before he can even process what he’s doing, his glass is on the coffee table and he’s removing her’s from her hand and placing it next to his and he’s kissing her- honest to goodness melting into her arms like they’re young again and there isn’t a failed marriage over a decade of distance between them. Nyota kisses him back, though, so he isn’t alone in this.

Leonard pulls back when Jim reappears, suddenly on the other side of the couch, whisky in his hand again. Nyota looks at him a little funnily, but she says yes in the darkness when he walks her to her car, and they see each other for dinner on Sunday.

They don’t tell anyone about their dates that happen for a year before Leonard allows her into his bed again.

“There’s no leaving this time,” he says firmly.

“I don’t want to,” Nyota replies, and takes him as he is.

It’s another year of this before Leonard tells Jo, and then Jim and Spock. They all smile and nod, and Leonard thinks that maybe the ice will hold after all these years. The winter’s been long enough, after all.

Nyota and him move in together in year three, and Jo brings her kids to visit. They do not take each other for granted, having lost each other once before. They tell each other all the things they left unsaid before, and they allow themselves the space they need to breathe.

_ Loving doesn’t hurt when all the hurt has been wrung out of you, _ Leonard thinks as he takes Nyota to be his wife again- this time to stay.


	10. I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been reading a lot of domestic fic lately, and while I really didn’t think I would get any more fic finished this year, I had the aching need for a soft mchura wedding. And since I need to do everything myself, you’re welcome. I hope you had wonderful holidays, if you celebrate anything this time of year!!! 
> 
> G (except for swearing, but do I even need to warn for that anymore?? It’s the internet lmao), pretty damn fluffy

Leonard runs his fingers around his shirt collar. It never felt exactly this tight before, but Nyota is walking down the aisle towards him and he can’t  _ breathe. _ He knows what she looks like when she wakes up; when she’s dressed up for a night out; when she has had a long day working, but this- Leonard is not prepared for this.

Nyota looks like an absolute vision, and the sun is bright on her brown skin, and he thinks that she has never looked more beautiful and he has never been more in love with her than right now. It’s ridiculous, really, thinking that he could have possibly loved her this much six months ago when he asked her marry him. It’s utterly absurd to think that he could even approach this much love last night when she’d smiled at him and said she wanted to have his babies. Absolutely bonkers to believe he could have loved her this much two hours ago.

Nyota’s mother is walking her down the aisle, and the older woman gives her daughter a smile when she hands Nyota to him. Leonard takes his soon-to-be-wife’s hand, certain that he’s about to start bawling like a baby. He manages to just be unable to speak for a full three minutes, at least four tears leaking out while he pretends to be listening to their officiant (Spock. He had insisted. Leonard had rather liked the idea despite his necessary moaning about having  _ Spock _ officiate their  _ wedding _ ) and is actually just looking at Nyota looking at Spock. 

When it’s time to exchange their vows, Leonard actually breaks down. Nyota smiling at him like that doesn’t really help, but he manages to say his piece eventually. Her eyes are shimmering while she says her vows, but she’s a lot more together than him. She’s always been a lot more together than him, but that’s five hundred percent fine. Eight hundred percent fine. 

Nyota Chausika Uhura wants to spend the rest of her life with him, and he has fewer than zero complaints. Negative complaints. Spock would say that’s illogical, but the man is currently telling Leonard to put a ring on Nyota’s finger, so he can’t get theoretically mad at the guy. Not even a little bit. Not today.

When she kisses him- and it’s her who grabs his lapels and drags her down to meet her lips- Leonard wonders exactly how the fuck he got so lucky. She must see it in his eyes, because when they separate, her hands smooth down his chest and she smiles.

“None of that, now,” she says, as if she can read his mind. 

He wouldn’t give a damn if she could see every single thought in his head. Well. Most of them. 

He smiles back at her, and  _ fuck _ his throat is tight again, and if he wasn’t so secure in his masculinity, he might be embarrassed about all the crying he’s doing.

They have fifteen minutes to themselves before they are expected to go eat and dance with everyone, and while they totally could be having photos taken, they’re necking like teenagers.

“I’m,” Leonard starts, “just,” he kisses her, “so,” again, “happy.”

“That makes two of us,” Nyota smiles into his mouth. “We should get at least get one photo.”

They get three, and they’re kissing in two of them. Neither of them care that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized how often I write their relationship from Leonard’s perspective, and that’s because I love admiring the queen that is Nyota Uhura. However, there’s some mchura fic that will appear in the new year from her perspective. In case you wanted some of that ;)


End file.
